


You Are Never Alone

by Sammys_Sunshine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 13:16:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10514517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammys_Sunshine/pseuds/Sammys_Sunshine
Summary: Reader thinks the boys are getting tired of her. Her demons come back to haunt her.





	

*One long gash, that's all it'll take to end your worthless life...*  
~  
You went everywhere with the boys. On hunts, to the bar, you'd even rotate with them going to the stores to pickup supplies. They were your adopted family. It was your way of keeping yourself happy. You weren't a child. You knew it was going to happen one day but you kept pushing the thought into the back of your mind.  
"Hey, would you mind just sitting this one out? Dean and I haven't gone on a hunt just the two of us for a while and..." Sam looks at you with his puppy dog eyes and you can't help but crack a small smile.  
"It's okay, Sam. I've been needing time to myself too."  
He walks over to you and gives you a giant hug and kisses the top of your head.  
"Thank you, (y/n). We'll be back before you know it."  
You wave the boys good bye and head to your room. Sitting on your bed, you just stare at the bare gray walls. It's been a long time since you've been alone in the bunker and you don't know what to do. Reading a book in the library sounded better than just keeping yourself locked in your room so you meandered down the halls until you reached your favorite place. You find a random book that looks interesting and sit down in the beanbag, (you fought Dean on getting it but won), to begin reading it.  
*They don't want you with them anymore.*  
You ignore the voice, not wanting to give in, and keep reading.  
*They don't want you here. Why do you think they asked you to stay behind?*  
You can't read in silence any longer, so you go over to the record player and put an Elvis record on. His melodic voice fills the library, making it not feel so lonely. Resuming where you left off, you begin to read again.  
*You know you want to do it again. Feel the rush it gives you when you're by yourself*.  
Reading is becoming a little more difficult but you keep doing it, just to have some peace. *They talk about how clingy you are. How desperate for attention you've become.*  
"It was a simple salt and burn. They'll be back in a few hours," you reassure yourself.  
*They're going to leave you for days just to get a break from you.*  
You slip your (favorite band) sweatshirt off because it was making you feel itchy and confined. You look down at your scars littered across your forearms and feel the urge to sooth yourself by creating another one. You shake your head, and switch books, having lost interest in the first one.  
*They're probably talking about how to get you to leave as soon as they come back.*  
Reading in peace is no longer an option, so you head down to the shooting range.You switch between the .12 gauge and your black Taurus Judge revolver. Popping off rounds and blowing the paper targets to pieces placates the voices enough to leave you alone and kills so much time that when the boys get back, your arms are shaking and can't do it anymore. You want to run up and hug them but the voices have put that seed of self doubt into your mind. Going back to the library and getting a drink seems like the better option.  
Dean waves at you from across the way, but you pretend to not see him and continue. He looks at Sam, who just shrugs and heads to his room. Dean follows you into the library and stops short at seeing you drink. You never touch the stuff, so something must be wrong. Dean sits next to you on your beanbag and watches you sip at your drink.  
"You're not mad at us for asking you to stay behind are you?"  
You shake your head and give him a wink.  
"No, Dean, I'm not. I was working on my aim and figured alcohol would be the best way to get my arms to stop shaking."  
He nudges your arm with his elbow and smiles.  
"Wanna go with me to get burgers and Sam's rabbit food?"  
You shake your head again, surprising Dean again.  
"You sure?"  
"Yep. Don't want to be clingy to you guys. It's been nice having some alone time."  
*Keep lying to him. He believes you anyway.*  
He gives you a look and you panic, but then he grins and pats your leg and leaves. You blow out a breath you didn't know you were holding and swallow the rest of your drink. You head out to your room, avoiding Sam and lock yourself in. You listen to Dean tapping on your door, announcing the arrival of food. You stay quiet, slipping on your favorite comfy sweatshirt, and hear his footsteps receding. Waiting for enough time to pass to guarantee the brothers won't see you, you sneak out of your room and down to the bathroom. Panting slightly, adrenaline rushing, you collapse against the door and argue with yourself about what you're about to do next. The doubtful side wins and you dig out your razor blade, breathing heavy and trying to get control. You yank your sweatshirt off and cut a line close to the crook of your arm. Relief and sadness flow through you like the blood on your arm. Tears fall freely, and you just pray to God that you can make it back to your room without Sam or Dean catching you. You get back without incident and curl up under your thick comforter, passing out.  
Deans walks back to the kitchen, putting your burger and fries in the fridge. Sam's sitting at the table, already researching for the next hunt. Sam looks up as Dean sits across from him. He cocks his head sideways, confused from Dean's silence.  
"What's up?"  
"Does (y/n) seem off to you?"  
"No. Why?"  
"She was drinking earlier."  
Sam's eyebrows shoot up.  
Dean nods and continues. "Said it was helping her arms stop shaking from her time at the shooting range. I asked her if she wanted to go with me to get dinner she said no. She didn't answer the door either when I knocked for food."  
A nagging little feeling starts in the back of Sam's head.  
"I'm sure she's just getting used to independence again. Can't always hover over her, you know."  
Dean seems to accept Sam's answer and polishes off his burger and fries. He wipes his hands and bids Sam good night. Sam rubs his face with both of his hands, wondering why he was feeling so nervous about (y/n). He closes his laptop and goes to your room, surprised to find the door knob locked. He can hear your light snoring and it soothes him. He too, turns in for bed.  
~~~~~~  
You wake up to knocking. You groggily rub your eyes, stretch and haul your weary bones to the door. You open it to see Dean and Sam standing and smiling holding up bags of food.  
"How's your head feeling today, princess?" Dean chuckles.  
Glaring at him, but accepting the food he hands out, you shrug. "Feelin fine."  
Sam's smile grows wider. "Good. Eat and then pack. We've got a hunt a few hours away."  
You nod and turn back into your room, leaving the option for the boys to come in or leave. They both stand in the doorway and watch as you toss your array of weapons and clothes into your duffel bag, while simultaneously eating your breakfast sandwich they brought you. Sam's persistent nagging feeling in the bag of his head gets worse as you flinch when you bring your right arm up too sharply. Sam's eyes narrow at the amount of knives you pack into your bag, and looks over at Dean. He shrugs and pats Sam on the shoulder, murmuring that he was going to get Baby started. You turn around to see Sam's concentrated expression and jump slightly when he speaks. Your reaction doesn't go unnoticed like you'd hoped it would, but Sam says nothing of it.  
"Ready?"  
"Yup. Let's get this show on the road."  
He watches you walk past him, going a larger way around him than you usually do. You beat him to Baby and Dean's already rocking out to some Led Zeppelin, barely giving either of you a glance before roaring out of the bunker's garage. As you get closer to Granbury, Texas where your hunt is located, Sam starts filling you in on details. You opt out of interviewing victim's families and between the three of you, figure out that it's a demon's work. You pinpoint the empty warehouse it might be hanging out at and gear up.  
Changing into your black cargo pants and tight long sleeve shirt, you forego the bullet proof vest you usually wear. Striding out of the bathroom with your (h/c) hair pulled up into a bun and flopping onto the bed, shoving and lacing up your combat boots up as tight as they'll go. After relapsing yesterday, your emotions feel like they're turned off and Sam and Dean notice it too. Their silence becomes overbearing as you fill your pants pockets with knives, extra ammo and your holy water flask. Slipping your Taurus Judge into its holster is the finishing touch and you look up at your hunters. Their eyebrows are almost comically high on their foreheads, making you frown at them.  
"Do I have a hole somewhere that I didn't notice in my clothing?" You ask them and start frantically looking for a hole in your non existent armor.  
Dean snorts and pops the clip into his handgun, standing and slipping it into the back of his jeans. Sam mirrors his brothers actions and shakes his head at you. You give the boys a thumbs up, crack your neck and head out to Baby.  
Sam turns to Dean before going to load up into the car.  
"Does she seem off to you, yet? She's going through the motions like she's a soldier or something. She didn't crack any jokes on the way here, didn't ask you to play her favorite song, didn't even ask if she could ride up front."  
Dean's jaw twitched, really realizing that your behavior is far from the normal it is. He was worried about you, but didn't want to let it show.  
"Let's just get through this hunt, hit the bar afterwards and go home. K, Sammy?"  
Dean walks out, leaving Sam to lock the room behind him. The ride to the abandoned warehouse was tense and deathly quiet. Dean didn't put any music on and he kept making quick looks at you in the rear view mirror. Your (e/c) eyes were hard orbs and only became harder as you studiously put on your black eyeliner, somehow making your normally soft and happy features, cold and dangerous. Your thoughts were a raging inferno, bouncing from contemplating letting the demon murder you or being the ruthless monster hunter that you've become. You paid attention to the tick in Dean's jaw and Sam's stiff shoulders. You wanted to lean forward and kiss both of their cheeks, silently reassuring them that they would make it through this hunt. You couldn't quite include yourself in that deal yet.  
*They only asked you along because they felt guilty for leaving you behind yesterday. They don't really want you with them. You're a burden they took pity on.* Squeezing your eyes shut, you rub the scabbed line on the inside of your arm to get rid of the nasty voice. You couldn't lose your concentration on this one. You can't let anything happen to Sam or Dean.  
*They will always protect each other. You'll never be a part of their family.*  
You hiss as you push harder and feel the blood seeping through your thankfully ebony shirt. Sam twists to look at you, one eyebrow raised in question.  
"Cramp in my leg from tapping my foot, Sammy."  
He relaxes a little and turns around.  
You all arrive at the warehouse, the building looking forlorn and lethal. Danger runs thick through the air and as silently as you can, your trio emerges from Baby and the hunt begins. You pull your gun and knife out, walking slowly and calculating. Dean motions for you and Sam to step in behind him and stick close. He opens the door, the hinges creaking and whining. He flips on his flashlight, holding it underneath his gun and assessing the room before stepping forward. The smell of sulfur invades your noise and you panic for a quick second, realizing that there may be more than one. As if on que, three demons step out from behind pillars in the center of the building as soon as you and Sam step through the door. It slams shut behind you guys, rattling the rusty beams. It's the calm before the storm as the six of you stare each other down, plotting the next moves. The demon in the middle, a tall olive skinned man, smiles unnervingly at you as if he can feel the death wish you've been debating. He steps forward and the other two demons, a small pale stocky woman with flaming red hair and a lean Asian man with spiked hair, flick Sam and Dean to the sides of the warehouse walls leaving you isolated. The demon focused on you, stalks forward. You make the mistake of glancing at Sam, who's still pinned against the wall to your right, and the demon is in your face before you can blink. Your surprise makes you vulnerable and you fire off a shot, only hitting him in the shoulder. You regain your wits, leg sweeping him before he can do anything to you. You leap over his tangled legs and shoot the female demon in the head, while kicking Dean's gun to him. He grabs it and shoots the other demon, releasing Sam. The last demon had gotten up and grabbed you from behind and around the throat, pulling one of your knives out and holding it pointed into your right side in between your ribs. He licks a stripe up your neck, making you jerk in his arm and stabbing yourself in the process. Your gun is still in your hand, but you drop it to attempt to pull his hand holding the knife out of your side. He backs you up so both brothers face you and him.  
"Drop them or I will finish what I've started with her." He pushes the knife in, twisting it enough that the tip scrapes against one of your ribs. You bare your teeth, not wanting to give the demon bastard the satisfaction of hearing you cry out. Sam and Dean lower their guns to the floor, alarm spreading across their faces. He sniffs you, drawing it out and over exaggerating the motion. "It's so much fun playing with new toys while her helpless friends just watch and can't do anything." Sam and Dean start creeping forward but he digs the blade in just a little deeper. The blood is soaking your shirt and pants and you wished it hurt more than it did. "Uh uh, stay where you are. Did you know your pretty little pet here wants to die? Why do you think she's not fighting as much as she should be?"  
"You've got a knife in my side asshole. I'd rather not be filleted."  
"Oh ho! She speaks!"  
You roll your eyes and just barely shake your head to make Dean and Sam believe what the dick was saying wasn't true. Dean lowers his head in a half nod, but Sam visibly swallows, his whole body showing signs of distress for your safety. You know he doesn't believe you and it brings a wave of pain through you.  
"Awww how sweet. They want to fight for you, but we both know they'd much rather sacrifice you than the other one."  
"You shut your mouth!" Dean roars.  
You kept your .380 pistol in a shoulder holster just in case of an emergency like this. Your left hand sneaks up into the holster, and before the demon can figure out what's happening, you point it next to your head and fire. His shock causes his arm to jerk and lodges the blade all the way to the hilt into your side and from his body falling down at an awkward angle against yours, it catches the handle of the dagger and it makes a clean slice inside and out, creating a much more lethal gash. You fall back with the dead demon, using his pillow to barely cushion your landing. Blood flows out of your side like a river during a flood. You hear Dean screaming for Cas and can barely focus on Sam barreling towards you. His strong arms try to press against your side to staunch the blood. You think he's yelling at you, but you can't hear anything over the ringing in your ears. Dean is now by your side saying something but you can't understand him. You reach your hands for theirs, trying to squeeze them but not having enought strength to do so. A tear from Sam surprises you and you look up into his beautiful hazel eyes. You never got to tell him you love him. You reach up, getting blood on his cheek, and close your eyes.  
"CAS! PLEASE!"  
Sam cries openly, holding your body against him. He prays to Cas, harder than he ever has before. Begging him, pleading with him to just once do this for him. And to do it for you.  
Cas finally appears, stress written across his face.  
"What happened?!"  
Dean waves his arm around, gesturing madly around the almost empty warehouse.  
Cas spots the demon bodies and his frown deepens. He looks down at your face, peace across your features even with the blood spatter and black eyeliner stained cheeks. He presses his hands on your ribs, his grace glowing as it goes from his hands to your body. Your chest heaves, gulping in air. You don't open your eyes, still unconscious, but you're breathing. Sam brings you back into his arms, holding you close to him, his tears dropping onto your face once again. He looks up at Cas, who's watching you, and gives him a small smile.  
"Thank you, Cas."  
Cas nods at him and Dean, and flutters off. Dean helps Sam pick you up, and then Sam carries you by himself. The breeze that hits the three of you is refreshing and takes the smell of sulfur away. Sam slides into the backseat with you, and cradles you like you were a child in his arms. Dean shuts the door for him, climbs into his seat, and gets the hell out of Granbury after grabbing the rest of all of your, his and Sam's stuff from the hotel. He drives until he reaches Oklahoma and pulls into the first hotel he sees. He quickly pays for the room so him and Sam can get you comfortable for when you wake up. Sam lays you on the bed in the middle of the room so Dean can watch you from the other bed and so he can watch you from the couch. Hours pass, and you stay unconscious. Cas pops in every so often, reassuring the boys that you will wake up and that you are okay. Dean eventually goes to the bar, trying to relieve some of the tension in the room and to burn off some steam by hustling some pool. Cas comes by after he's left and just stares as Sam sits there, waiting for you to wake up. He can't take it anymore and gets a wash cloth from the bathroom to start washing the blood off of you. Cas observes his gestures and wonders why he's never made his affections for you known.  
"Sam?"  
He looks up from washing your face.  
"Yeah?"  
"Why have you not made your affections known for (y/n) known to her?"  
Sam sits down next to you to face Cas on the other bed. Little did they know, you were starting to wake up.  
"She's already in danger enough just being with us. Being with her in a relationship would only put her in more danger Cas and I just can't do that to her. I love her, and if she wanted out of the hunting life for a normal one, I'd let her leave to keep her safe."  
You squish your eyebrows together in disappointment but relax them as soon as you feel him turn back around. The tenderness in his touch with the wet cloth feels amazing and you can feel the love pouring through him to be able to do this. You want to believe him, you want to believe that you're really part of the team, but the seed of doubt is still planted firmly. Knowing Sam shares the same feelings for you that you do for him, makes you want to fight and stay. But deep down, you know that you won't. Even worse, you know Dean is going to be pissed when he comes back. You didn't technically sacrifice yourself but there would've been no other outcome. Sam cautiously lifts the side of your shirt up, even though you're not wounded anymore, to wash even more blood away. He briefly gets up to rinse it out and comes back. Cas knows you're awake but isn't going to let Sam know so he bids him goodbye and leaves to alert Dean. Once your side is clean, Sam moves your arm back to your side and pats the inside of it. He remembers when you flinched at the bunker and moves your long sleeve up your arm. You brace yourself, for Sam's shock and disgust that will follow after he discovers your scars. He pushes it up our arm as far as it will go and you hear him gasp at finding the freshest one, now another scar thanks to Cas's healing. His breathing is ragged and it breaks your heart.  
*He won't love you anymore now that he knows you're damaged. He'll ask Dean to leave you a the bunker for all the hunts until you leave them. He'll never love you.* Sam's body shifts and it feels like he's turned his back to you. You take this as the time to "wake up". Stretching and "accidentally" brushing your hand over Sam's back, you alert him that you're up. You open your eyes to see Sam's face hovering right above yours. You're startled because you didn't even feel him move. Your eyes travel down from his eyes to his lips but then he looks down at your exposed arm. You try to pull the sleeve down but Sam's sudden grip on it stops you. His hazel eyes go from soft to hard and then to sad.  
"Why didn't you come to me? I would've helped you. I'd never judge you."  
You roll to face the couch, forcing him to move from hovering.  
"It doesn't matter Sam."  
"Yes it does!"  
You flip back off angrily and sit up to be at his level.  
"Why, Sam?! Why does it matter? I know I'm just a burden on you and Dean. I know that you're tired of me wanting to be with you and him all the time going to do everything! That's why you left me behind on the last one! I hate being alone because when I am, I start thinking horrible things and then I do this!" You shove your arm at him. "I hear things telling me awful stuff and I'm so insecure about myself that I believe them!"  
You yank your sleeve back down, and get off the bed to grab your bag. Sam grabs your arm, pulling him flush against his chest and crashes his mouth down on yours. You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him down to you, kissing him harder. You both break apart, gasping for air, clinging to each other. Sam's forehead rests against yours and he gives out a throaty laugh.  
"I'll be right back."  
Sam kisses your forehead and heads to the bathroom. You decide to just grab your knife and take off out of the hotel room, and out into the night. You run as fast as you can, not wanting Sam to catch up with you. You didn't get to tell Dean goodbye but you just can't be a burden on them anymore. You didn't want Sam to be in pain from loving you and you didn't want Dean to be angry with you for what you did for them in Texas. You run for what feels like miles, finally coming to a dense forest. It was dark and honestly quite foreboding. The night sky was beautiful and you rested against one of the trees, just to stare at the stars. You gave yourself a few moments of peace, before readying yourself for what comes next.  
At the hotel room...  
"(Y/n)?" Sam calls as he exits the bathroom. He panics and flings the door open. "(Y/N)?!"  
Dean pulls into the parking lot in the Impala and sees Sam frantically looking around him. (Y/n) must have taken off on him. But why?  
"Sam! Get in the car!"  
Sam sprints to the car and the two of them take off in the opposite direction that you went.  
Back to the forest...  
You're throwing your knife into the dirt, wondering if the boys will find you after you're gone. Cas will probably help them and he'll probably be the one to find you. Your heart hurts a little at that too. The angel had become part of your family like the boys had but it just felt better that you were doing this. They wouldn't have to look out for you anymore during hunts, they wouldn't have to buy extra food or toiletries or anything extra once you're gone. Tears drip down your face as you pull your sleeves back. You head a little farther into the forest, the quiet is almost comforting. You find a nice big one with a bit of the trunk carved out and sit against it. It feels like a cocoon and you feel content and that in a strange way that you feel safe in your last moments. You bring your knife to your right arm, dragging it down to your wrist. You groan in pain but grit your teeth so you can finish. Switching hands, you repeat the movement down your left arm, going a little deeper because it's your dominant hand. You let cry out, and drop the knife. The blood glistens eerily in the moonlight, like it's feeding off of your life source. You rest your head against the smoother part of the bark and feel the darkness seeping into you. For a moment, you think you hear wings.  
A few minutes ago in the Impala...  
Cas pops into the Impala, scaring the shit out of Sam and Dean.  
"Where is she?!" he hollers.  
"We don't know Cas! We think she took off this way!" Dean's voice betrays his fear and Sam just sits motionless. Only his eyes making any kind of movement to see if he can spot her.  
Cas cocks his head sideways like he's listening to something.  
He grabs the boys' shoulders suddenly.  
"She's the other direction!"  
Dean wheels Baby in the other direction, almost rolling her from jerking on the wheel so hard. They fly back by the hotel, searching for any sign. As they approach the forest you were in, they see the silver from your knife shine like a beacon for them in the moonlight. Cas flies out of the car before it comes to a full stop. Dean slams on the brakes so hard Sam has to brace himself so he doesn't bash his face against the windshield. Him and Dean rush out of the Impala and into the forest.  
"(Y/N!)" Dean calls.  
"(Y/N)! BABY, WHERE ARE YOU?!"  
Sam's nick name for you surprises him and Dean but they both keep calling for you.  
Cas shows up in front of them.  
"I found her."  
Sam's briefly relieved when Cas says her, and not her body but the way he says it sends a shiver down his spine. Cas grips their shoulders and flies them to where you are. The copper smell is strong in the air and it's the first thing they notice. Your knife is covered in your blood and the dirt you dropped it in. Sam notices you're still barely breathing. Cas doesn't want to see you die. He wants to see you live out a long life with Sam. Dean is feeling numb. He ignored the signs you were giving them. He knew you were happy when you weren't alone. He nor Sam wanted to leave you behind but they thought that you would've gotten burnt out on going with them everywhere. When you were around, things were happier. Sam drops to his knees, his shoulders shaking as he silently sobs. He wants you alive. He takes your hand in his, breaking down even more as he feels you getting cold. Your breaths are getting more and more shallow.  
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you felt like you couldn't come to me. I'm sorry if you feel like I'm going to take away your choice to die but I'm going to show you it's better this way. With us. With me." He looks up at Cas who's standing as still as a statue. "Save her! Please!"  
Cas nods and take both of your hands in his and heals you. His grace bursts with light from your arms, not only healing you but pouring the love from him and Dean and Sam into you as well. He destroys the seed of self doubt and pulls you into his arms away from Sam. He wraps his wings around you both, enveloping you in warmth and comfort. You stir in his arms, curling closer into him. It feels like a giant weight has been lifted off of you and you're thankful the boys really do love you enough to save you from death twice. You go to sleep in Cas's arms, the soft strokes of his feathers soothing you and protecting you.  
Cas stands, keeping part of his wings wrapped around you both, and nod to Sam and Dean to start the walk back to the car. Cas doesn't let go of you. Not because he's trying to take you from Sam, but because he can feel your emotions and this is what you need. Sam gives Cas an understanding look, feeling no threat from the angel. Sam knows what Cas is doing is helping you and whatever it takes to help, he'll support. The four of you arrive back at the hotel, and pile into the hotel room. Cas can feel you're going to be okay now and releases you onto the bed. He pulls the blanket over you and let's Sam take his place next to you.  
"Let's call it a night Sam. She'll be here in the morning."  
Sam lies down next to you, after getting a small nod from Cas and goes to sleep. Dean passes out on the next bed. Both boys sleep fully clothed, just in case they were wrong. But, with Cas there, there's no chance for escaping. He won't let you out of his sight.  
The next morning you find yourself wrapped in Sam's arms and there's nowhere else you'd rather be. You're going to apologize to them and hope it'll mean something. You play with the little bit of hair sticking above Sam's shirt and lightly run your fingers over it. He stirs, his eyes soft from sleep. They widen when he notices you looking at him and you kiss him, putting as much of an apology as you can into it. You cry, and your tears run onto his face. He wipes them away with his thumbs and kisses down their trails.  
"I love you, Sammy and I am never going to leave you again. I'm so sorry for everything. Please, please forgive me."  
He pulls you to his chest, kissing the top of your head repeatedly.  
"I forgive you. I love you. I love you so much."  
You hear Cas shift on the couch behind you and you fly off the bed to hug him.  
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, Cas. You saved my life twice and the second time you didn't have to. Thank you for helping me with everything and thank you for being there for Sam and Dean. Love you, Cas."  
"Love you too, (y/n)."  
Dean is awake now and rubbing at his eyes. He's not completely focused enough to realize it's really you that's moving around yet. You walk around in between the beds and kneel in front of him to get his attention. You shake his leg a little bit. His green eyes go wide and he gives a sharp intake of breath.  
"(Y/n)?"  
You nod vigorously.  
"It's me. It's really me, Dean."  
His emotions get the best of him and he shakes his hands around trying to decide if he wants to drop to the floor to his knees to embrace you or pull you up to him. You hold his hands still and look at him. He finally just drops to the floor and pulls you into his lap. He crushes you to him, your breath escaping you. You bury your face in the crook of his neck, seeking out the safety in his arms as well. He's like the older brother you've always wanted, and the protector you've always needed. His relief at having you alive and your apologies are all said with the embrace you hold each other in. He rests his head on your shoulder, his own shoulders giving little shakes once in a while. You kiss the top of his head, and run your fingers through his hair. Sam eventually slides down to the floor as well and he sandwiches you in between him and Dean. These boys really do want you around, and they really do love you. Cas kneels at your sides, making the three of you almost hidden in between the beds, the wall and him. He brings his wings around, surrounding you all. Never will you have to be afraid of being alone.  
You are never alone. You are loved.


End file.
